The Modern Mormon

All the Feels

February 03, 2022 Kami Satterlee Season 1 Episode 25
All the Feels
The Modern Mormon
More Info
The Modern Mormon
All the Feels
Feb 03, 2022 Season 1 Episode 25
Kami Satterlee

Emotions are what drive our actions. Emotions are the reason we do or don't do anything in life. Today I am talking about why emotions are so important. How important it is to feel all the emotions, especially the negative ones or ones that don't feel so good in our bodies.

Show Notes Transcript

Emotions are what drive our actions. Emotions are the reason we do or don't do anything in life. Today I am talking about why emotions are so important. How important it is to feel all the emotions, especially the negative ones or ones that don't feel so good in our bodies.

Unknown:

You are listening to the modern Mormon episode 25 Hey there, I'm kami Satterlee and I'm the modern Mormon. I'm an Advanced Certified Life coach who's dropped the all or nothing approach to life and religion. I can't wait to show you how I've got you girl. Let's go what's up guys welcome to the podcast. How are all you beautiful souls doing today? It's February. We made it out of January we did it you guys all 875 days of it. My word the never ending month but we did it and January's are necessary Why are January is necessary? Because that's how we appreciate February's and marches and April's Okay, we got to have January's. And that is exactly kind of the same topic that we are going to talk about today. Today's topic is all the fields, we're talking about emotions today. And before you go turn this off, you guys Slow your roll. This is super important. Emotions are probably the most important part of our entire lives. And it is also the part where we kind of bypass the part that we don't really talk about the part we try and avoid. I know some of you are eye rolling, and you're getting a little uncomfortable talking feelings. But before you bolt, I want you to just really give me a second, okay, because this is really important, and the most important part of life, because whether you want to talk about it or not, it is happening. And it is the driving factor and force to why we do anything that we do. Did you know that? Did you know emotions are the reason we do or don't do something. It's the reason that we get married. It's the reason we make babies we work out the reason we grind everyday at work. The reason we preach to our kids about God and play that same song on repeat again and again, why is it it's because of how we think it will make us feel. Our emotions are what create our experience. And a lot of times when people realize that I teach that thoughts create our emotions, which drive our actions and get us our results. They they see they have like all the control in their hands and all the power in the world to create any experience that they want. Sometimes they can confuse this with I should create a positive experience, they get really excited when they realize that they have all the control right as especially for a lot of us. For me personally, as a mom, this was the most powerful thing for me, because I felt so out of control in my life in so many areas. So sometimes in an effort to try and change their thoughts. They want to change their thoughts to positive ones like non stop. So they begin to create negative experiences because of this. Well, why is that? Well, it's because the truth is, is that we don't want to be positive all the time. We want to feel sad when we want to be sad, right? We want to be frustrated, and we want to be disappointed and we want to feel anger. We don't want to give up those emotions. Otherwise we would be robots. So in order to experience pure joy and happiness, fulfillment, in order to feel success, we need to understand and experience the contrast of those things of failures, the sadness, disappointment, frustration, okay? The truth is, if we just allow these emotions, we would actually be okay with not being okay. But where the struggles lie. And the problems arise in our life is when we add negative emotion to our already negative emotion. So it's when we fight against what is or the reality of our human experience. So for example, when I had my son Easton, I really wanted to try and not get an epidural. So the thought I had was I'm going to go as long as I can handle, like with my contractions, right with the pain. But let's be honest, this was not a full commit. There was kind of some wiggle room in there for me to kind of change my mind at some point, right? As if, if I fully committed that all of a sudden, that wouldn't be an option to change my mind. So I had to just say, as much as I can handle right. So when I reached my breaking point, my brain said, This is all I can handle, and I asked for an epidural. Now how could I have known I was experiencing transition basically like the end the last 50 yards of my race, I most likely would not have asked for an epidural but I didn't know that. So as he's giving me the epidural I started pushing and the epidural kicked in after Easton was born. And I kind of felt like it totally jacked up my entire experience. So fast forward to Carver this was my last son and I was a full commit during my labor with him and epidural did not even cross my mind, but with Carver he was actually facing the wrong way. And I was not dilating. But I was contracting. So I was experiencing transition like contractions and a ton of pain, way more pain than I experienced with Easton. So I had this all or nothing mindset basically That kept me from getting an epidural. So my thoughts were like something's gone wrong here, because this is not what I experienced with Carver, it's even worse, like I shouldn't be experiencing experiencing this, like on top of my already excruciating and painful sensations in my body. So I had layered negative emotion on top of my pain, I lost my damn mind watching it, I'm sure it was very exorcise like in that delivery room, I don't even like to talk about it with my husband, because when I watch his birth video, I break out in a rash on my chest, because I brings back all of those exact same thoughts and emotions and everything. You could totally say it was a little bit traumatic for me. So most people would say, you know, yeah, that is expected you are in excruciating pain. But knowing what I know now, and that I create, for myself, my own experience, what I was experiencing was actually unnecessary emotion. So there is no doubt having a baby is painful in your body. The difference between someone who is delivering natural and looks really calm as can be and someone who has lost their mind is not because one person is most likely experiencing more pain than the other, although that could be the case. But it is more so somebody's ability to open up to the pain and allow it. So having thoughts like, it's all working as it's supposed to, nothing's gone wrong here in my body, my body's doing exactly what it was designed to do. Okay, I can handle pain, imagine that thought how that would feel competent, right? So as opposed to like, I can't do this, make it stop. It's not supposed to feel like this. Something's gone wrong. Okay, those were all the things that my body was saying. So it's almost like you are fighting with the emotion, you're avoiding it, or pushing it away. I found myself at times actually physically pushing myself further and further up on the delivery bed in a way to try and kind of outrun the pain I was experiencing. So Dr. Hodges, who is amazing, by the way, he looked me in the eyes as it was like as I was fully in just psycho mode. And he began to whisper through my hysterics, and he said, I need you to come back to me. So aka quiet your voice, stop reacting to your emotion, relax into the pain, allow it don't fight against it, right, I needed to stop creating thoughts that all this shouldn't have been happening. And I did, I stopped working out so I could hear what he had to say. And I became very focused and very determined. So I allowed my negative emotion to just be there. And I didn't layer it with more negative emotion. And as I did that, I was able to deliver Carver and have the experience that I so badly wanted. So in my coaching, I teach the skills needed to gain this awareness and understand our emotions, understanding what is creating them our thoughts, right, and how to allow that process. So why do I teach this, I teach it because we have been taught basically to hide to avoid, to resist or even to react to our emotions, we've been taught in order to be happy inside, the things outside of us need to change. So we're kind of out of control when we are taught that right? Our bodies, our relationships, the money in our bank account, our house, we live in the things that we own, even our children's behavior, all of those things need to change for us to have a good feeling, which is completely false. So we read self help books, and we listen to others teach us how to be successful in hopes of inspiration and lots of action. So we change diets and fitness programs, because the girl on the Instagram news feeds body is so perfect. And if we could just look like her, then we would finally be happy. Or we do X, Y and Z because this millionaire told us that these are the steps that he took to build his business. So if we do that exact same thing, we too will be a millionaire. But if that was the case, we would all be millionaires, why are we not millionaires? We've done all the things we're doing the exact same action, why is this not working? Because the action they took stemmed from an emotion that they felt. So we're talking confidence, motivation, determination, empowered, committed, the emotion they felt came from a thought that they believed and this is why I am not a fan of affirmations if they do not feel believable to you. I like to start really small with it's possible that okay, lots of my thoughts are it's possible. It's not completely dropping my unbelief, but it's also allowing space for my future beliefs that I want to believe be believing. So if they already decided I am successful, or this is going to be fun, what else can I do I already have enough money, right? They don't have a thought from scarcity of I don't have enough they have an abundance mindset. I already have enough. So what else can I do? I'm the perfect person. For this job. I'm unstoppable. Okay, imagine the emotions that are created through that type of thinking, those type of thoughts, and then what actions would they take? And how much more empowered would they be to take those actions? Like, how much more could they get done from an action of I'm already good enough, like, I don't have to earn my worth, I don't have to earn my success, I already know I'm good. This is just for fun. How much more relaxed would they feel when they go to take that action? How much more supported would they feel knowing they have their own back, that they can handle anything that goes down? So what they do is they live into that thought they become that thought. So they don't have the evidence for that thought yet, but it doesn't matter. Because they are creating that emotion, through their belief that they already are enough, they already are all the things that they are going after that goal for right. So they look to their future self is what they're doing. They're looking at who they want to become who they want to be, what is the result that they want to create? And what emotion will that bring for them, they're looking to their future, to see what they are capable of in their present and current moment. And then they feel all the fields, right? We think being a millionaire will give us what we want. We think that once we have a million dollars in our account, all of a sudden, everything will be right in the world, or at least most things, right? We want to believe that we are successful, so we can feel like we have enough. Believe that we have all the time in the world. So we don't have to grind day in and day out. We want to believe that we're capable of achieving anything so that we feel confidence. And all of that is actually available to you right now. No action required. No result is needed as proof. It comes from a thought and little by little and a little bit of doubt that maybe you're wrong about what you currently believe right now. But that it's possible that I have what it takes that little bit of hope is the fuel to start your engine and keep you running. So your car might already have a little gas in it. So you start to take the action. And as you're driving, you will only get so far. And then you're going to need to stop and refuel. And that is the part where you either quit, or you keep going. And the way that you keep going is by what you choose to think. Okay. So you have to have an abundance mindset. And that comes with your emotion that comes with what you're thinking it comes with what is fueling those actions. So challenging your current mindset and asking questions, and intentionally answering those with, maybe it's possible. And when you start to ask yourself questions, which this can be really new to some people, if you haven't been asking yourself what you're thinking, then it's really new. And sometimes it can be uncomfortable, because what you come up with is gonna be probably a negative emotion or a little bit of discomfort. And you have a choice in that moment. So you can either seek the discomfort or you can shy away from it. And most people, they push it away, they completely avoid it, they resist it. Or they simply react to it by using alcohol, drugs, TV, overeating, sex, sugar, you know, parties sleep even. And they feel that emotion arise. So most of us don't even realize that we're doing it. We don't understand our buffers, we do them very unconsciously. When we see the action we're taking, we don't really know why we've never really asked ourselves, why do we do what we do, we just somehow want to either stop it or take more action to fix it. The only reason you aren't experiencing the success that you truly desire is simply because you're afraid to feel the emotion that is required to get there. Emotions are not to be fixed. They are to be felt. They're supposed to be processed, understood, examined. Using our buffers as a guide, we can create the greatest awareness as to what emotions that we are afraid to feel. So if you want to become your best self, you want to achieve greatness, you want to hit your goals and start seeing results in your life, then you need to uncover the things that are keeping you from doing all of that. And those are your buffers. So when I looked at my life and the buffers that I was doing, the areas that I wanted to change, I began to gain the awareness as to why I was doing those actions. So before I would just kind of go grab my phone and scroll and I started to see the negative emotion that I was experiencing When I pause and I didn't grab my phone. So that is what was driving that action to grab the phone. Things like boredom, anxiety, fear, humiliation, failure. Those were my major emotions that caused me to take the action of scrolling, overeating, sleeping alcohol, you name it. If you want to create change in your life, you have to start getting really good at feeling bad. We have to stop buffering and notice the emotions that come up. These are the ones that are going to get you to hit those goals. These are also the ones that you are most afraid of emotions are simply just vibrations or sensations in your body, they are not going to kill you, they are kind of the last piece of the puzzle that you need. Without them, it's not complete and without negative emotion in your life, you cannot be what you so badly want to be. So the first step is just simply noticing the emotion, most of these emotions, we have no idea we are feeling because we instantly buffer them. And typically, when we feel that emotion, your brain knows to kind of just go unconscious, and just do the next thing. So it does that in an effort to avoid you actually having to experience that emotion. So when you become conscious of what you're feeling, you'll notice what you're thinking to create that feeling. So you have to be willing to move towards that emotion. So the second step is processing or actually experiencing the emotion in your body. This is the part where your brain does not want you to do that, because it doesn't feel good, right? I like to do this by naming the emotion out loud. So I will say, I'm feeling fear. And then you really open up to that emotion, kind of like you're opening a door or like you're welcoming that emotion in. So you're not just letting them put kind of one foot in and then pushing it right back out. But you are fully welcoming. Kind of like, alright, just come right in, and let's do this fear, then you're going to describe it in great detail. Everything you are experiencing inside your body. This is fear, fear feels really uncomfortable. It's a tightness in my chest, there's a lump in my throat, it's moving very slowly. And it feels as if it's overtaking my organs, it's black, and it has a bit of a rocky texture. So what this will do is it will typically make you feel the emotion that comes up, but it will come kind of in waves. And then you'll go in your head sometimes and you'll start to question what you're thinking and then back into your body. Okay, this is processing and emotion. The idea is to really get to know this emotion in great detail so that if needed, at any time in your life, you are able to experience it. So you are able to show up as the person that you want to be without acting out overreacting, not acting, withdrawing in situations because of the emotion that arises. When you fully allow and experience emotions and you're not afraid of them, you get to show up as the true you. It's something that you're just experiencing, and you know, oh, I'm experiencing this from my thinking, not this other person, not this other circumstance, not anything in life. And then you can really open up and just kind of allow all of it and it's nothing that you're afraid of. So as you're experiencing these emotions, in a way, you're sort of taking mental notes of exactly what fear feels like, for example. So if I was to recreate this emotion at a different time, how would I create it and how detailed and specific can I get so that I can create it, you want to know everything about it so that you know the next time you feel this emotion, you know, everything you're experiencing. So you are training your brain to see that it's not a dangerous thing. And that it's not something that you need to avoid. So you're teaching yourself that you're 100% in control of every single part of your life, and 100% in control of your emotions. So when you have the authority over your emotions, then you also have the authority and the ability to decrease those emotions at any time. And this is why you basically by experiencing all of these emotions, you're building confidence in yourself. So when something arises, and you start to feel that emotion, it's not a quick avoidance, it's not a cover up, and it's not a layering on of more negative emotion, you simply just get to allow it and that is what confidence is, it's the ability to feel any emotion. So the more you practice this, the easier it gets. And the easier that it gets, the more that you kind of are going to want to put yourself out there. And the more discomfort that you're able to feel in your life, the bigger the results are that you will get in your life. So the third step is to decide and just intentionally feel the emotion. So instead of looking at actions that are needed to achieve a specific goal, look at and focus on more. So what emotion do we want to drive that action? So say confidence? Is it motivation, something like that? We need to ask ourselves, what do we need to think in order to feel confident? What do I need to believe about myself and my capabilities to feel confident? So what you're doing is looking towards your future self? And once the goal is complete? What will that feel like inside? How can I feel that right now in order to achieve the goal, and then what actions will I take from that emotion of confidence? It will be unstoppable. If you were to just do X, Y and Z that a millionaire told you to do. You would not get as many results but if you were driven by confidence for yourself, all the sudden not only were you Will you listen to his advice if you want to and take those actions, but you'll also have the confidence to know what is best for you, and how many more actions you will take from your knowledge and your confidence, okay? This is why it is just compounded, and why you will achieve and receive better results. It's so important because you'll notice there are people all over the place that are taking action, the same actions, but they're getting different results. Why is that? Because it's the emotion that is fueling their action. So think about all the things that you want in life, things as big as money success, or simple things like I don't want my child to, you know, make this mistake. And I want to clean house and I want to be able to do everything on my to do list. And I want a really great relationship. Think of all of those things. Why do you want those things? What is the emotion that you are wanting to create in your life? And if you're trying to experience the negative emotions, and fully understand which ones that you are hiding from? Then think about what is it that you're avoiding? What are you making the clean house mean? If you have a dirty house? What does that mean about you? What are you making it mean about your life? What are you making it mean about your capabilities? Look at the number in your account? And is it enough? Why not? What would be enough and just experience all the negative emotion that comes up with you know, questioning your thinking, and then be intentional with what you do want to feel and what you do want driving the actions that you are taking? Do you know it's possible to clean your house in a great mood and be happy about it? I know that one actually blows my mind because that's not my favorite thing. Actually, it's Cooking. Cooking to me causes the most negative emotion so I am actually currently working on how can I make dinner and not be mad about it. But surely you can do this with anything in life. Notice the things that you're thinking and do you want that emotion to be fueling the actions getting your results, feel the feels everyone and start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. If you're ready to drop the all or nothing in your life, than I would be honored to be your life coach, head over to the modern mormon.com To start your journey in becoming the confident authentic and best version of you