In this episode I break down the model I teach to solve any problem. This model can truly solve anything! It is composed of 5 different parts.
Circumstance, Thoughts, Feelings, Action, Results. When we can fill in each part of this model we can understand what we are creating for ourselves. When we know we are the problem, we also know we are the solution.
You are listening to the modern Mormon episode 24. Hey there, I'm kami Satterlee. And I'm the modern Mormon. I'm an Advanced Certified Life coach who's dropped the all or nothing approach to life and religion. I can't wait to show you how. I've got you, girl. Let's go. Hey, how are you beautiful souls how we do in. So today I wanted to teach you guys the tool that I use to coach all of my clients, this tool is life changing. Honestly, it blew my mind the first time that I learned it and actually continue to learn it. It is something that I learn and study and go deeper and deeper into and gain so much wisdom all the time. And so I'm going to teach you today what I use to solve any problem. And that is the model. So last week's podcast was all about the past and how most of us view our past, we look at our past, in a way where we're almost the victim, we just think it just is right. Whatever happened, it was a positive or a negative thing. And that it is what it is. We don't look at it in a way that we can actually control how we're feeling in this current moment by how we're viewing our past, we don't actually need to change our past in order to use it to serve us, especially for our future. Well, the same thing goes with solving problems. Typically, most of us focus on what is wrong, we focus on this as a problem. But we don't focus on what we really want, which is so fascinating. Because what we really want is a futuristic type of thinking. But our brain just loves to go to the past and kind of spiral around in the problem. Finding solutions takes taking our brain to a futuristic place and deciding what we want out of the problem. So this model that I'm going to teach you today, it was created by Brooke Castillo, who is from The Life Coach School. And she created this model to really simplify kind of just universal concepts about the way that we are the way that the brain works. And this model just takes kind of everything. And it puts it into a really easy and clear way for our brain to see what we are creating in our life. So there are five parts to the model. And the first part is circumstances, circumstances are outside of us. They are the facts of the world. They are other people's words, they are something that can be proven in the court of law, something everyone has to agree on. Okay, they have no emotion in them, they are just facts. My son said, I hate school, I did not get invited to the party, the sky is blue. Okay, those are all examples of circumstances, notice there is zero emotion, just simply effect. And most of us believe that our circumstances are the problem. When somebody dies, we think that's a problem. But really, none of that is a problem until we have a thought about it. So that as the next line in our model are our thoughts. And our thoughts are triggered by our circumstances. And a lot of times, we just have really great thoughts. That's what helps us get the things done in the day that we want to it's the things that give us emotions that drive us to take wonderful actions and why we have great results in our life. But a lot of times, anytime there's a problem, it's because we are making our circumstances mean something. And that goes in the thought line. That is what creates the rest of the model. And that is the most important part of the model. I think because you have the most control. What is a problem for one person is not a problem for another, right. So that's how we know that the circumstances are not the problem. Because it's the way that somebody is viewing it. It's what they're making it mean that goes in the thought line, one person can make it mean, this is great. Another person can make it mean, this is not so great. So I want you to take a problem in your life. It can be something big, it can be small, whatever it is, and I want you to pull out the facts from it separate your thoughts from the facts. Notice what you're thinking about those facts, notice what's coming up for you? Is it helpful? Is it helping drive you to want to do bigger and better things in your life? Or do you feel like it is kind of holding you back a little bit. Which brings me to the third part of the model and that is your feelings. And feelings are simply just sensations in your body, right? So we have the thought, which then causes an emotion within our body that we feel different thoughts cause different emotions. And a lot of times even the same thought in one person will cause one emotion and another person cause a different emotion. For example, we're about to go on a roller coaster can make one person feel excited and another person feel nervous. So it's important to understand that your feelings are coming from your thoughts. A lot of times we think that they are coming from our circumstances, but that's not the case. We think if somebody passed away we're just sad. That's not The case we have a thought like they shouldn't have passed away, it was too soon. I'm not ready to see them go, how can I live a life without them? Okay, those thoughts bring on the emotion of sadness. And other examples, especially as a mom is, oh my gosh, I have to run errands today, I've got to go pick up the dog, I got to pick up the kids from school up, I gotta go take them to practice I gotta, I'm so overwhelmed. We think the overwhelm is being caused by the list of things to do. But the reality is, it's being caused by our thoughts are thinking about the list of things we have to do. As in it's too much, I don't have enough time, whatever's coming up about the things on the list is what is causing the overwhelm. And this is so important to know, because in our society today, we're not actually taught to feel our emotions, we're taught to kind of cover them up, push them to the side buffer, we are told, you know, if you're stressed, from your day, have a glass of wine, if you are sad, go purchase an outfit, that we can go buy our happiness, which then keeps us victims to our circumstances in life. But what we realized through coaching is that emotions are not problems to solve. They're simply there to be felt. And they're so important to know what you're feeling to determine what you're thinking. And if you want to keep thinking what you're thinking, Okay, are you with me? I know, this is kind of a lot, but stick with me. Okay. So notice, whatever your problem is that you're thinking, Is it helpful? Is it not? So your perspective of it, what feels like a huge problem, it might just be that you just need to change how you're viewing it, you need to change what you're thinking. And when you do that, notice the emotion that comes up, what's the feeling you get when you view it in a different way, if you view it in a way that serves you, you will notice that this thought serves you based off of the emotion that comes up. Is it an emotion that feels good in your body? Or is it one that doesn't feel good one that you kind of want to push away and makes you kind of want to escape? This is why the model is so incredible, is because when you feel an emotion inside that doesn't feel comfortable, you get to ask yourself, What am I thinking about that circumstance. So if the circumstance is not the problem, if your thinking is the problem, you are the problem, this is great, because you also get to be the solution. And solutions are what move our problems forward. Most of us always just focus on what's wrong. We never focus on what we actually want. If you focused on what you wanted, it would push your brain to a more futuristic type of thinking, where you get to be in charge, you get to be in control of how you feel what you're creating for yourself. Suddenly, what you think is a problem isn't a problem anymore, right? If I'm feeling super upset, I'm feeling super frustrated and super angry. Because one of my kids is failing math, for example, I get to stop and ask what am I thinking about this? Why is this a problem for me? And then I get to decide, do I want to be upset about this? Yeah, maybe I do. But how can I just be a little bit disappointed without adding on the anger and the anxiety and all of the other emotions that I'm feeling? When you realize that you're thinking so many futuristic worrisome thoughts, like failing math is going to mean that they're going to fail College, and they're going to not get the career that they're supposed to have, and all those things, that is the emotion those are that extra added heavier emotions that we're layering on to the feeling of disappointment. So when we realize something is not a problem, it's not a problem for them to feel math, right. It's not a problem for me, I can feel disappointed for them. But it doesn't have to be a problem. Maybe this is exactly what's supposed to happen for them. Maybe this is a great learning opportunity for them. Like there's so many other possibilities that could add emotions that make me feel good inside versus the added layered, this is terrible. Everything's gonna go, you know, in a negative direction because of this. So if we took away all the added emotions, and we just stuck to disappointment, what does that feel like in your body, that emotion, maybe it's a little knot in our stomach, maybe it's a tightness in our chest, maybe it's a lump in our throat, okay, we just felt that disappointment. It wouldn't be as heavy and such a disaster as our brain was making it out to be right, when we can separate the thoughts that we're having, and the emotion that we're feeling and have the awareness of that. It gives us space to just feel that emotion, that it's not something to run away from or to cover up that it's something to just feel like it's not a problem. It's not going to kill us. It's just maybe a little knot in our stomach and we can totally do that. So emotions are to be felt they are not something to be fixed. Okay, emotions are not the problem. Our brain thinks they are. And it wants to run away from them. But when we can stop and ask ourselves what we're thinking, we can gain the awareness of what we're feeling and we just get to feel that emotion in our body. We are the ones who get to decide what kind of problems we have. And when we own that and when we get To the business that we are creating this problem, we get to solve it from a place of wisdom, from awareness and from acceptance. And we do this by asking ourselves, what do I want to feel about this? Why am I not feeling that way? We have to ask ourselves these questions in order to determine what we are thinking, which is causing that emotion. Okay. So the fourth step in the model is our actions. And our actions are driven by our emotions, okay, we feel an emotion and that either drives us to do something or not do something, it can drive us to react or not react. I love the action line of the model. And I love showing my clients this because it really showcases what they're creating for themselves. And a lot of times, I'll hear them say, you know, it doesn't matter about the emotion that I have, if I'm upset, I still go and get the laundry done. But what I show them is, when you're doing the laundry, and you get it all done, is it done out of resentment? Is it done out of anger, you're feeling an unnecessary emotion? Are you doing the laundry super fast? Are you taking your sweet time, okay, all of that is an action. And it's being it's being driven by that emotion that you're creating. So when I first learned this model, I was trying to show my husband this, and he was telling me that, you know, the emotion doesn't matter, especially within his business, that he gets a ton of stuff done. And what I showed him was he is getting that stuff done out of stress, he's almost using the emotion of stress, to drive him to take massive action. So if his job is the circumstance, and he has a thought, I have to get all this done, which creates an emotion of stress. And the action he takes is getting the things done. But what are the effects of those things? How are his relationships? How are the relationships within his business? How is his time being managed? What are the effects on his body? The result of that? What is it creating for him, and it's probably long term going to create burnout, he's exhausted by all of these actions that are being fueled by stress. So if we were looking at his model, it would be how can you think what do you need to think in order to create the same actions that will determine a better result for you a result that's long lasting a result? That is something that you want to be feeling and getting from those actions? So that's an example of when somebody tells me while I'm still doing the same action, so why does the emotion matter? The emotions are so important, because they are going to drive your actions. So you might be able to get the same amount done in the day, but what is it causing at night? Is it complete burnout? Are you crashing? Are you being able to show up as your best self to your, you know, family? How are you feeling throughout the day? Are you feeling complete burnout? Are you feeling exhausted? Stressed? And then also, how would you be able to take those exact same actions driven by a better emotion? How would you feel at the end of the day? How would you feel about your results you're getting and your accomplishments? Can you take the same action by being fueled by a different thought and feeling okay? Another example is, let's say, you are a mom, and your kids are making a lot of things that you consider mistakes, and it's causing emotion in you that's fearful, stressed. Anxiety. Okay? Then what do you do as a mom? How do you show up to your kids? When you're feeling those emotions? What actions are you taking from those emotions? So are you yelling? are you fearful? And are you maybe over talking and over giving them information in fear of trying to prevent them from making any more mistakes? Are you listening? Or are you just talking over them? Okay? Notice that when you are being fueled by an emotion, that is out of fear, anxiety, something that you're feeling in your body that's uncomfortable, it doesn't cause you to show up as your best self, it's not causing you to show up as the mom you want to be. What do you actually want? What are you wanting to create? Those are the questions you ask yourself, if you want a connection with your child, if you're yelling, and you're, you know, punishing at a fear, I know, for me personally, as a mom, when I have all of these negative emotions coming up, I tend to withdraw for my kids. I tend to not say the things I want to say, I tend to not actually show up and not be a good listener. Okay, so important to notice the actions you're taking or not taking, and what is fueling those actions. Okay. So for example, a lot of times if I'm feeling these emotions, and I notice I'm withdrawing from my kids, I will ask myself, How can I feel love? What can I think about this circumstance that will help me feel love for my child? And then how can I show up and what actions can I take out of that emotion of love? How do I show up as a mom? And typically it is the mom I want to be right when I'm acting out of love, I'm able to set boundaries and consequences through love and not out of fear. I'm able to be a good listener. and be open minded to what they're experiencing. And I'm able to give advice from a place of love and not at a fear and worry about trying to prevent them from making mistakes, right, I'm able to basically show up how I want to. So that is why noticing your actions, or inaction is so important. Alright, the fifth and final part of the model is our results. Our results are basically what we create for ourselves, whether that it's an experience that we're creating for ourselves, whether that is an actual result that can be measured, I weigh 140 pounds, okay, that would be a result. The result is always coming from your actions, right? It is caused by your action, or inaction, whatever is left, that is your results. So if you have a thought, like I can't seem to lose weight, and you feel frustrated, the action you take is you might overeat because you're frustrated, you don't stick to your commitments, you are scrolling your phone during times that you have set to workout, okay, your result is I weigh 140 pounds, or whatever your result is, okay, whatever you weigh. The result is basically everything that comes up from your thinking, your result is everything you have created through your model, your experience. So what I noticed for people when they first learned this model is they almost want to go out and change their actions, they want to Oh, I realize I'm doing this, I have the awareness now that I am creating this for myself, this is the result I'm getting. And so they instantly want to just go out Act, a bad thought. And really, the only thing that we truly have control over in our model is our thought. And in order to get the result we want, it needs to start with our thought line. And so we need to start thinking thoughts that are going to help drive those emotions, to get us to take the actions to then get us the result, we can't just pick parts of the model to do and just leave out the rest, they are also important within each other and getting what we want. Another thing I noticed with clients is as soon as they see the bottle, they see how it works, they instantly want to rush to a new emotion. And that's not going to be beneficial either. Because a lot of times we don't want to feel positive emotion, about a circumstance. Sometimes we want to feel sad, sometimes we want to feel frustrated, but we tend to, you know, have the awareness that we're creating this for ourselves. And so we kind of just had the thought that we want to feel positive all the time. But that's not really the case. And if we try and do that, and if we try and just force ourselves to think a certain thought, it's not gonna work, right, we have to believe what we're thinking. And it usually is a process. And that process is slow sometimes. And it's all about awareness. And it's about allowing our emotions, even if they're negative, especially if they're negative. And to really just sit in those emotions. And then it kind of is just a natural progression through awareness, acceptance, and allowance of those emotions. A lot of our problems in life come from expectations of others that we have, and also expectations of ourself, we have a thought that things weren't supposed to be that way we look at our past and think it shouldn't have gone that way. My life was supposed to be different. Things like that are what are going to cause us the most discomfort, and really kind of stop our growth that stops us from evolving. We stay in a place of just a victim and shame and a lot of emotions that we carry around and are unnecessary, when we can accept that our life is going and exactly how it should. Everything that's happened in our past is supposed to have happened, because it's got us to where we are today. Those type of thoughts are what are going to drive us to then create more thoughts more action and create bigger and better results for our life. So that is the model in a nutshell. Okay, we've got circumstances or the facts. And when you start with the model, you want to separate our facts from our thoughts. Everything that's a circumstance or effect goes in the top line. And then the next line is our thoughts and we write what we're thinking what we're making those that mean about the circumstances, what we're making it mean about ourselves about other people, okay, and that goes in the thought line. The feeling line is next. And when we're doing a model we typically put one feeling in that line and what is that thought creating for us? What do we feel inside when we think that thought okay, that goes enough in the feeling line and then the next line is the action and that's where we list all the actions and all the actions that we feel that we take actually when we feel that emotion. Okay. And then the last line is the result and that is what is it creating for us results don't have anything to do with anybody else. In our model. It is only what is it creating for us personally. And a little secret the thought will always show up in your result line, whatever it is you're thinking will be what you are creating for you. So that is a good way to determine what exactly is going on what the problem is for you is what am I thinking about this that The problem, okay, if you are thinking somebody negative, the result will be you are being negative. If you are thinking they're so judgmental, the result you're judgmental, alright? If you are having a thought that I don't have enough time, the result will be, you're not giving yourself the opportunity to use your time wisely, okay? All the actions that you will be taking in your action line will probably be things that you don't want to be spending time doing time that you are wasting on things, okay, if you have an expectation of somebody in your thought line, they should want to make me a priority, they should take out the trash, the result will be that you are not making yourself a priority, that you should be the one that take out the trash, okay. And that is why I love this model so much is because it was the first time in my life when I learned this, that I felt so in control, that nobody has the power to take away my agency for what I want to think and what I want to feel and create in my life. And it also showed me that I have the opportunity to be become anybody that I want to. If there is a result in life that I am after, I know that I can create that through my thinking. And if I stay consistent in showing up for myself loving myself and thinking thoughts that are going to lead to actions that I want to be taking, I will get any result that I want to in life. All right. This is how we solve any problem, you guys, any problem in your entire life can be solved through this model. And it just takes practice. It takes consistency it takes you know, writing them out every single day and seeing what you are creating for you. And if you want help with this, please sign up for a free console and I will show you exactly how this works in real action in real life. And you guys just get going start working on these models. I teach this to all of my clients. Because ultimately when we are done working together, I want them to be able to go out in the world and use this tool to better themselves and their lives. And I want the same for you. So remember this circumstance thoughts, feelings, actions results. If you're ready to drop the all or nothing in your life than I would be honored to be your life coach. Head over to the modern mormon.com To start your journey in becoming the confident authentic and best version of you