In this episode I talk about what purpose is. I give examples of my struggles with purpose and tell you how to create your own purpose.
You're listening to the modern Mormon, Episode 22. Hey there, I'm kami Satterlee. And I'm the modern Mormon. I'm an Advanced Certified Life coach who's dropped the all or nothing approach to life, and religion. I can't wait to show you how. I've got you, girl. Let's go Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to the podcast. Man, it has been a week. I try and keep it pretty real on here. And I'm telling you, I have filled all the fields today. And this week, actually, all the emotions, I've been processing emotions. And you know, it's kind of like one of those things when you just like come up for air, and then you just get knocked back down by another wave like my word. So if you two are struggling, I feel you soul sister. So on that note, I came up with the topic today creating your purpose. And I wanted to do this topic because this was a really heavy, hard struggle for me in finding my purpose. So two years ago, prior to when I went to Life Coach School and got trained to be a life coach, I really struggled there were about two years prior to that, that I just remember as being really dark. My kids were all in school and my days were spent just really lonely and unfulfilled. Basically, I was bored all the time. And so I kind of battled the idea that being a stay at home mom was the most important job. But then also I have no purpose. This job sucks. Okay, those two kept me really stuck. So in my journals I wrote, and I was really depressed, I was full of self loathing. I hated being a stay at home mom. And I had no clue of what else I would do. Or if I would do anything else. So I beat myself up for both of these thoughts, like non stop. I used to Google, how do you find your purpose? And I would get answers like, What do you enjoy doing? A question I had no answer for because all I had ever known was taking care of kids. And a family and very little time was spent doing things for me. So I didn't know what I liked. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I was any of that. So then I would Google, how do you find yourself? And I would get answers like, go try new things. So instantly, my brain would shut down to that one because it meant step out of your comfort zone, or do something alone, I have never been one to have lots of friends, I always just kind of have one or two really close friends. And at this time, I didn't have any close friends. Aside from my sister who lived down the street. She had just had a baby. And we were basically kind of on the opposite ends of life. We spoke everyday on the phone, and we still do. But you know what it's like life with a brand new baby. It's very opposite of life with kids that are, you know, all in school. So I felt like I had no one to kind of explore this desire for more with trying new things. And trying them alone felt really crippling, and I was already in a fragile and insecure place. I mentioned my struggles to my hairdresser and good friend Andra. And she mentioned a podcast she had listened to called God more. And so basically the rest is history. I started there, I went to Costco, I decided to join their scholars program. And I started to learn this material that I now teach. And then I went to Life Coach School, Life Coach School filled my buckets, and it brought light back into my life, it made me feel like I was suddenly in control. So just like I did through my Google search, a lot of times we think purpose is something that we have to find. When I coach women they make statements of I've lost myself. And if your inner being is something that you can actually lose, then that would make sense, but it's not. But intellectually we understand that we cannot lose ourselves but this thought puts our emotions into sort of a panic. Then we frantically search and take action at a fear and worry in a rush to try and find what's lost. We're basically just in a rush to remove whatever negative emotion that we are feeling. So whether that's panic fear of the unknown future whatever it is, we need it fixed now or so our brain tells us I think personally what kept me stuck in this was I didn't really have a life before kids I was you know, obviously a teen mom. And so when I say life, I mean like a career or anything that I was super passionate about. I did have a dance studio but that's like long gone. I'm not passionate about that at all anymore. But basically I was fearing the future. If I don't have something then what am i I'm nothing right. And I think a lot of us do this We either go to our past to look at what we were so whether you had a huge career and then you had kids and then you became a stay at home mom is an example. You go to your past because you think that you were better before. And then you compare yourself to who you are now. Or if you're not like that you go to your future and think I can't become anything because I've never been anything, it's a kind of just messes with your mind. And what it does is create confusion. And it just basically keeps you stuck. We throw this word purpose around, like it is just something that you find and something that you were destined to find, like, we're going to search for it our whole life and the people that have found it basically just found the golden ticket, like they are going to be more successful and happy and all the things in life. So we use the word purpose, or sometimes passion as more of a result, like it's something we have to find. And when we find it, then we've made it. But what's so interesting about this is that purpose is a thought, it's not a result, it's not measurable, or something that can be found through efforts or research. To have a purpose is simply a decision one makes that creates an emotion of confidence, fulfillment and love. I have purpose, or I have a purpose can be a thought at any time for any reason. It's a thought that moves us forward taking action and becoming someone we envision. We create purpose. It's not something that we find. And we create purpose by knowing we are 100% worthy, no matter what we do or don't do. We create purpose by incorporating God into our decisions. If we worship and serve somebody above us, then we have direction in our life and our decisions have clarity. If we understand our value, then we won't be afraid to go after our dreams, for the simple fact that we want to having that confidence and knowing who you are, is what is going to propel you and drive you to do the things that make you feel purpose and give you thoughts like I know what I'm doing. And I know it's the best thing for me. It doesn't have to be something grand, it doesn't have to be something that's changing 1000s of people's lives, it can be simple, but we decide that we want it and we decide that it gives us purpose. Suddenly, other people's opinions and our own scarcity mindset and fear of failure won't stop us it's not going to get in our way. So in the beginning of my journey, I had a fear of trying something alone, I had a fear of failing. This fear stopped me from not only incredible experiences in life, but creating purpose, and seeing what I was capable of. It's so interesting, I think about all these personality tests that we used to take back in the day, like I swear we did it every single class health class or the beginning of the year, in middle school and a couple in high school. But through these tests and nonstop ideas that we need to choose a specific path and direction in life, we get the idea that we were born with characteristics and traits that just are who we are. Like in middle school in high school, I was a yellow on the personality test was I really, who knows, I believe I chose the answer of what I wanted to be not exactly what or where I currently was. Yellow was fun, everyone loved yellow, they were the life of the party, always down to party, center of attention. And love to be in large groups of people, which is the funniest thing, because interesting, Lee enough. I am not one of those people. I enjoy small groups, and I care for more intimate conversations versus chatty small talk. These tests, they give us the idea that there is a specific destiny and a purpose that we were put on this earth for, and we must find it or else life will be terrible. It gives us the message that we just are who we are. So in the book personality isn't permanent. It's one of my absolutely favorite books, we learned that personality is created through our own thoughts, thoughts that have been triggered by others circumstances, society, family, religion, whatever it is, we've been shaped and molded by all that surrounds us. And the way we interpret those things and give meaning to those things in our lives is kind of where we create and come up with who we are. So knowing this, we also know that we have the ability to change anything about us that we want. It's pretty powerful stuff. This makes me feel so in control. When I learned this, it was like a lightbulb just came on in my brain and I realized my purpose was not to be found it was to be created. But how. So I started with a need in my life, something that I struggled with or felt avoided which at that point, I probably could have gone down any direction because I felt like I was lacking a lot in my life. But interestingly enough, it's usually somewhere where you want help in those areas. So for me it was confidence. I didn't know who I was and I hadn't taken the time throughout my adult life to get to know who the real me was. people pleasing was something I had become a professional at and because of that I had put my own thoughts and needs to the wayside in an effort to act in a way that would give other people positive emotions. I was a liar which is sometimes hard to say. But that is exactly what people pleasing is. And this left me just deeply sad inside. So I started to pay attention to my emotions and whether I liked something or did not. And I started to kind of have my own back and start showing up authentically in my relationships, especially in my marriage. So I stopped trying to be what I thought my husband wanted me to be. And I started to let go of those expectations and kind of just embrace who I was. And I did this by doing it in small moments, where I would pause when he would say something or ask me something. And I would ask myself, is it something I want to do? It was really hard at first, because I was always the girl that was like, go with the flow, don't, you know ruffle anyone's feathers, you have the weird personality, you're the introvert that always wants to be alone. So if he asks you to go in groups, you just go every time and what I noticed, through the people pleasing as I was always the one that was upset, I was the one left with the negative emotion. And he had no clue because he just thought I was doing what I wanted, when truly I just wasn't being authentic. So as you know, if you listen to my last podcast on the body, I struggled for years and years about my body and my confidence with my body. And I always just felt like if I didn't look a certain way that I thought my husband wanted me to look, then I wasn't attractive. And so going through the Life Coach School and learning about our thoughts and our emotions, and how those are what really matter. In an effort to build myself confidence. And to kind of let go of these old and limiting thoughts I had about myself and my body, I decided to do a little experiment for myself, I stopped sucking in my stomach during sex. I know that sounds weird to some of you, like you really do that. But now it was a big deal to me, like my husband couldn't see me just fully letting it out fully relaxed. Like I felt like I always had to maintain this perfect image, even in my most vulnerable and supposed to be relaxing, romantic moments. So I embraced the emotion of humiliation. And I told myself, I love you exactly as you are in this moment. And as I did this, I built that confidence. And I built that love for me, just as I was in that moment, regardless of whether I felt like I was in shape or overweight or had muscle or it didn't matter. I wanted to just love me and me was the person inside of that body. The more that I started to love me then the more that everything started to change, including my body. So I started to show up in all the areas of my life as 100% authentically me. The more I overcame these obstacles, the more passionate I became about my work, I wanted everybody to experience this euphoric newfound life that I was living, I wanted all women to have the exact same knowledge and confidence I was building in myself. And I became a life coach, I created my purpose. So where are you struggling in life? Where is your bucket feeling kind of empty. To me, this is the starting point of creating your purpose. So as we gain awareness of this need, and as we begin to take the steps involved in solving this need for us in our lives, we begin to become the person that we've always dreamed of. So this struggle and our thoughts about ourselves. And what we're capable of doing is what has gotten in the way of becoming this future self. But as we overcome the obstacles that arise in this journey, what you will soon realize is that you were full of purpose and passion all along our limiting beliefs and our thought errors are the only thing that are in the way, those are the things that actually need to change. Nothing about us needs to change. The beauty of all this is that when you start to see that then those things do change, it's a byproduct. So our brain believes that the things outside of us are what create fulfillment within us a certain amount of money, a number on a scale, a job title, the number of kids you have, or the number of kids who successfully complete college right? How many of you have tied your success to whether your kids fail or whether they succeed? If the thoughts behind those circumstances do not change in the process, the satisfaction will never be there, we will still feel unfulfilled will still feel less than unsuccessful and not enough, we will still feel that we have no purpose. Deciding you have a purpose and value will help you take action towards becoming your best self and creating that purpose. So you don't need a job. If you're a stay at home mom, you don't need money coming in. You don't need a specific title to achieve purpose. Nothing needs to change. It's a decision you get to make through your thoughts. And when you do, you should watch the magic happen because that purpose will grow and continue to grow. The deeper that you go into that belief. So the other day I was trying to explain this to my husband and he's had a lot of different sort of like shifts within his job. He hasn't had a lot of different jobs but more so just what he's doing within the job. And right now is kind of one of those shifts where He has the opportunity to go and try something new and be something different and become this future self and kind of create a new purpose for himself. So he's kind of in this exploratory phase, I guess you could say. He's still doing his job. And he's still, you know, has a real estate companies doing all that. But now that things have changed, and he's shifted, he has the opportunity to do something in addition to that. So it's kind of fun to have these conversations with him, because it's starting all over. It's that process again, who do you want to be? And it's really hard for our brain, our brain just kind of blocks it out? I don't know is usually the answer. And anytime that we think I don't know, it instantly makes us feel confused. And when we're confused, we don't take action, right, we don't take action to know, I think the biggest reason why we have a hard time in creating purpose is because we lack confidence. We haven't done it yet. We don't know what the steps are into doing it, I think deep down, we have an idea of something that would, you know, spark our, you know, fire and get us going. But it's almost like we can't accept that because of that lack of self confidence. Creating purpose is about building that confidence. And to take the next step into the unknown, right, we don't have clarity on it. But as long as we keep moving forward, and just taking a next step, taking another step, it might not be, you know, the right step in the direction of what you actually want to be doing. But what it does is it opens the door for the next step, and it opens an opportunity for maybe that next thing that will get you excited and will have you moving in the right direction. It's about not knowing what you want. But taking action anyway. I think this can also be really hard for somebody who is more business focused, where money seems to be more of the driving factor. Well, we know that money doesn't create our happiness. So unfortunately, if we go after something because of money, we will feel unfulfilled, we will never feel successful within it. If it's not something that we chose intentionally, because we're driven to it, our soul kind of searches for it and is excited about it. Money will not be sustainable in the long run. And I feel this can be a problem with a lot of people, because they think it's so important, it's almost the most important part. But if you understand this work, and you understand the way that the brain works, you know that you find something you're passionate about, and the doors and the opportunities open, and so does your ability to create more opportunities within that. And that is where the money comes from. When you limit yourself and you kind of label yourself as just is like, I just am a secretary, I'm just a teacher. And then you kind of shut it off to I can be so much more. If you love being a teacher, what else can you do? Where else can you teach? What programs could you design for students outside of class? What else could you make for teachers to you know, have it a little easier on their job? What could you create? That would keep you in line with being that teacher and having that passion but also creating more opportunities for you in the long run? This is why that whole saying of I'm just a stay at home mom can be so obnoxious because no Oh, so you're just a stay at home mom. So you're just keeping people alive. And you're feeding the humans so that they can go out into the world. And you're keeping a house clean. So people have all the necessities and utilities and they're able to live in a clean house, you know, to survive? Oh, yeah, you're not doing anything. Right. And when you break it down, they know that it's important, but they don't feel fulfilled in it. They don't feel fulfilled, because it's not their passion. They decided that they don't like what they're doing. But you could decide that you love what you're doing. You could decide what else can I do? In addition to being the stay at home mom, what else could I do? That would help me move in the direction that I want to be what would help me become the woman that I want to be as I'm a stay at home mom, that could look like maybe a side gig, maybe a hobby, maybe an interest in something. And that, my friends is passion. That is purpose. So if you're struggling with this, like so many of us are, this is my specialty, where I help you build confidence and I help you discover and become the woman you want to be. And in doing so you will find your purpose and you will find what you're passionate about starting with you. If you're ready to drop the all or nothing in your life, then I would be honored to be your life coach. Head over to the modern mormon.com To start your journey in becoming the confident authentic and best version of you